So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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