Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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