And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Less talking, more tequila
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
