I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
