What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So vagazzling was a success
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
