i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
