I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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