Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
