I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
