This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
