Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
