I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
