Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
