We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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