I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
