I'm lost and stupid without you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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