Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
