I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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