Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
