Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
