he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
