It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
