And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
