Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
either way he was missing a nipple.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize