What a fucking waste of an outfit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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