What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
