i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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