Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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