How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
