You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was born a porn star she said
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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