Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
