i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
