Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize