No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
