Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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