He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
