Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
