I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
