PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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