my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
