Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
