Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
