Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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