tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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