Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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