My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize