If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
