What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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