So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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