I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
