Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
