bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
