i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
