i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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