Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
