Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize