the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
