drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Everyone says I win the strip club
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
