This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
