so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
