like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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