why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
