She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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