dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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